do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your penis caused this!
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