I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
