I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sex in a hospital.. check
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
