I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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