let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
