saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
nutella sex= disaster
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my poor anus
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
