Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
