Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
