How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
