Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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