I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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