just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
