I think I just saw someone hide a body.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
