he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
