he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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