cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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