Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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