There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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