Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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