I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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