mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
