I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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