WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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