I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
