oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
