I cannot find my penis.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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