i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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