I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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