so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
