So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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