Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
