Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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