I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
