the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We have started to decorate penises.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
