the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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