she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Screwed.edu
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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