just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
