Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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