Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
