My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
