Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
