so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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