She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want to fling myself into the sun
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
