that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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