You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I checked into jail on foursquare
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
