The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
