I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
