Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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