yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
