Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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