): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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