Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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