Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
is that a dick in a sweater?
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