sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are these your boobs on my camera?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
